Wow!

I can say without hesitation that when I wrote that last post shortly before midnight on December 31st that I had no intention of letting it go this long without an update. Here we are, six months later…

And in some ways I can say it seems like it could not have been so long ago…in other ways it feels like a million years ago! My last post was all about a year’s worth of growth. I wrote it while sitting on the couch in my brother’s house a few minutes before midnight, after having a glass or too of wine.

3-4 hours later Brad received a call in the middle of the night, our nephew Cooper had taken a turn for the worst. By 3pm on  the afternoon of 1.1.2011 he was taken from our family by the cancer that was attacking his body. It was a surreal start to the year. The first week of which was spent with Brad’s family in a whirlwind, planning a funeral that so many thought would not happen. Cooper would have been 5 on January 31st.

During that whirlwind I found myself in the comfortable task of creating a photo video for the family. I say comfortable because diving into that helped me to deal with what was happening around me in my own way. I let Brad take on his role of funeral planning, I could handle media and other aspects of what the family needed.

As I sat there editing the photos, trying to balance out all the members of Cooper’s family in the video, I came to a realization…which at the time didn’t seem to bother me but I know now that it did. There was not one photo of Cooper and myself.

Don’t misread me, I am not so ego-centric that my vanity was hurt or anything like that…but it made me think about the world around me and my place in it. I’ve always been the photographer, not the photographed…never wanted to be the one photographed. But, knowing he was gone and that the opportunity was lost, the thought stayed with me. And I would be lying if I said that the incident didn’t conjure up old feelings from the miscarriage and my own desire to have a family.

So, call it what you will, something kind of snapped into focus that week…there had been buildup the weeks prior, but I suppose that event was a catalyst for me.

Since that day I’ve lost 60 pounds – and I’ll start fertility treatments again soon. I think I’m finally ready to get back on the horse so to speak, that first week of January I finally let the depression of my miscarriage and chemical pregnancy stop beating me up from the inside out.

So I’m kinda back, I guess is what I’m trying to say.

Beyond that – the quickie update:

  • Brad is still in school and doing amazing – he is set to graduate in December, and I can’t wait!
  • I’m still working at Nexstar and enjoying it – I’m working on some very intensive but rewarding projects right now
  • Still living with Jeff – he’s still the best brother a girl could ask for
  • We are still broke  :P
  • Oh and did I mention I freaking lost 60 pounds!?

I’ll post more updates soon, with photos I promise – thanks to those who told me to blog again, I appreciate your kind words.

But I will say that I never stopped in reality – I started a second blog that was mostly dedicated to weight loss and my little journey, I simply decided to keep it “off the grid” of people who knew me. If you are desperately bored and want to read it, and you know me, then send me a message on Facebook and I’ll give you the address. ;)

I’ll leave you with the video I made for Cooper:

Advertisement